‘Don’t worry, he’s friendly,’ says dog owner as mutt almost mauls man

Bounding over he comes, with mouth agape, fangs ready. 

Wild eyes glare at the target, saliva spit drools and flies in all directions. 

‘Ranger! Ranger! Ranger!’ his owner screams to no avail from more than half a mile away.  

Out on his morning walk in the local park, old man Pseudo Professor Zosima feels his rectum unclenching and loosening at the sight of this oncoming animal. 

In a public space, populated by children and the elderly, an unspoken social contract had previously existed. Consideration for others is something to be considered no more. 

‘Ranger! Come here! Ranger!,’ the owner continues to cry, ‘don’t worry he’s friendly! He’s only mauled a few dogs, nearly been run over three times and tends to gorge himself on any available food, though he does also eat rubbish. But he’s never bitten anybody, or at least badly!’ 

Contact is made, the dog bounces up and down, attempting to latch itself onto Zosima’s beard. Moments later the owner comes over, half the size of the hound and struggles to attach the leash and then restrain the beast. 

‘I’m so sorry, he’s so friendly, he loves running up to small children, the elderly and other dogs especially if they’re on a leash, and even if it’s both unwanted as well as frankly quite dangerous,’ the owner tells Zosima. 

‘What breed is it?’ Zosima curiously enquires. 

‘He’s part Dingo, Staffy and Rhodesian Ridgeback. So in other words, a wild dog mixed with a breed allegedly bred for dog fighting and something bred to help hunt lions.’ 

What could possibly go wrong, thought Zosima as he marched away, the owner unclipping the leash not long after. 

Zosima’s degree: Certain breeds should require a licence, training and an intelligence test.