‘Mine, mine, mine!’ spontaneous AFL game erupts and takes over Coogee Beach

Locals of Coogee were left stupefied this afternoon as their holy beach was taken over after an eruption of a game of Aussie Rules. 

Spontaneously manifesting out of thin air in the middle of the beach, two sides quickly converged on one another, speckies and scuffles abounded, guernseys were torn asunder as they waged war on one another, over something vaguely resembling a chip. 

Initially perplexed, the locals soon took to eagerly barracking for both sides with cheers and cries. 

However, it wasn’t long before such barracking turned into all manner of racial, homophobic and sexist slurs. 

The game petered out after a disguised Peter V’landys released a hawk nearby. 

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For all the good of this great game, it needs to be reminded that this sport harassed its finest indigenous player into retirement, dawdled on addressing homophobic behaviour and has systemically neglected the women’s game. 

It unenviably leads the field compared to the NRL and A-League when it comes to racist spectator behaviour (https://www.unisa.edu.au/media-centre/Releases/2024/football-spectators-giving-free-kick-to-racist-bigots/). 

Work is definitely being done to address the above, however for a sport with the potential to unite people together, if it’s not careful, it’ll instead drive people apart.