Albanese attempts to arrest slide in polls by announcing national skatepark building program

‘Hey Jodie! Watch this tail flip!’ squealed Albo as he hurtled down a makeshift 1 metre wooden ramp in the garden of the Lodge. 

Jodie has since developed a deep disdain for Tony Burke who gifted Albo a top of the line Razor scooter as a wedding present. 

Furthermore, from the depths of such dire times Albanese has skated upon inspiration whilst his support falls around the country, particularly in regional areas. 

Deciding to turn to the shelved national skatepark building program in an attempt to bunny hop this decline (also stealing our main policy as well). He is truly a great political operator with this 180.  

Once more, concrete ramps and metal bars will be erected nationwide, with local artists salivating at the opportunity to paint on freshly laid blank canvases with their indecipherable tags and murals to Kerser.  

The return to public infrastructure programs that don’t require immediate financial return shapes as being a popular policy. 

We saw with our own eyes in Sydney how public sporting facilities gradually became less and less accessible due to monetisation and insurance requirements. 

Prompting the question: that if healthier people are less likely to need the public health system, engage in antisocial behaviour and more able to contribute to society – should such intangible benefits outweigh the need for any immediate financial return? 

Your beloved and loathed, 

Kolya Krastokin